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07/19/2006

National Repression

                          10% of Japanese men in their 40s still virgins

Virgin_40_year_old Haruka is a 38-year-old temporary employment agency worker. She met her 41-year-old boyfriend through an online matchmaking site. Judging by his e-mail, he seemed to be kind and was certainly mature. After exchanging mail for about a year, the pair finally agreed to meet. The boyfriend shocked Haruka on their second date, Yomiuri Weekly says, when he suddenly blurted out a proposal.

"Marry me," Haruka says, recalling her boyfriend's words for Yomiuri Weekly. "I've kept my body clean all my life while I waited to get married. I'm still a virgin."

Haruka didn't know what to say, but kept on seeing her 41-year-old boyfriend and thinks they'll probably tie the knot some day.

                                             I sense a business opportunity.

            Pimples

     10 percent of Japanese men in their 40s still virgins

By Ryann Connell

Haruka is a 38-year-old temporary employment agency worker. She met her 41-year-old boyfriend through an online matchmaking site. Judging by his e-mail, he seemed to be kind and was certainly mature. After exchanging mail for about a year, the pair finally agreed to meet. The boyfriend shocked Haruka on their second date, Yomiuri Weekly says, when he suddenly blurted out a proposal.

"Marry me," Haruka says, recalling her boyfriend's words for Yomiuri Weekly. "I've kept my body clean all my life while I waited to get married. I'm still a virgin."

Haruka didn't know what to say, but kept on seeing her 41-year-old boyfriend and thinks they'll probably tie the knot some day.

While many around the world may have chuckled at the American comedy "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," a complete dearth of sexual experience well into the 40s is a very serious matter. In fact, according to a survey by Dr. Kunio Kitamura, head of the Japan Family Planning Association (and Mainichi columnist), 7.9 percent of Japanese men from the ages of 40 to 44 are still to have sex. And Kitamura says the real figure is probably worse.

"There were another 5 percent of men who didn't give an answer," he tells Yomiuri Weekly. "If you consider that most of these men have probably not had sex, either, I'd say the real number of virgin men in their early to mid-40s is probably closer to 10 percent."

Mayumi Nimatsu, a marriage counselor who has dealt with the problems faced by many couples, thinks she knows the reason why Japan has managed to produce such a large number of chaste middle-aged men.

"This generation reached adulthood just as Japan was in the middle of the bubble era. Matchmaking parties started to become popular and there were plenty of opportunities for the sexes to mix," Nimatsu says. "But, on the other hand, it was also the time when women began insisting any men they would show interest in have the three 'highs' (a high income, a high academic background and height). This really polarized the situation, with men who'd be popular with women standing out above those who wouldn't be and probably did a lot to contribute to the high rate of virginity amongst 40-somethings now."

Ironically, in a Japan where the lack of sex between married couples has reached epidemic proportions, this same demographic producing so many virgins is also the same group with fewer sexless marriages than any other, the weekly says, quoting figures from a government survey on marriage.

Pshrink Seiji Okada thinks he knows why.

"Society has become more Americanized and people are now valued more for speaking their minds. This applies at work and in the home. People developed a dislike for arranged marriages and love marriages were dictated to by market principles, with women the party given the choice," Okada tells Yomiuri Weekly. "Some guys lack the ability to speak out on their own behalf and it becomes a handicap that sees them weeded out (of the love game) through the process of natural selection."   Link

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Comments

...different "strokes" for different folks............

I never will marry
I'll take me no wife
I expect to live single
All the days of my life

(but I'll probably fool around)
**************************
I suspect USA stats are similar. Are they considering gay men in these numbers; how is 'virgin' defined?

I am confident that many men my age (62) have lost interest in sex. (No, not me) My son & I were talking about a 60-ish male friend in that situation. We both agreed that we don't want to live that long.

However, I am pleased that I can now go 10, even 15 minutes, without thinking about sex.

It's also nice that when I'm in line at stores, I can chat with female students at the local college without them being suspicious. Nor SHOULD they be, OK? It is helpful if you look at their FACE and not ask them about their bra size.

I have a friend in his forties. In his youth, he experimented with homosexuality and found it fine. He married and has two kids, great wife, and a job where he has started to travel. At the hotels, he'd go down to the bar to have a drink. Now he has AIDS and is in therapy trying to figure out how to stop his mind from constant thoughts of sex. He picked up men. Men picked him up. I asked how many of the men were married. He said, "50%." He clearly does not want to be gay, and he's working with behavioral modification to waylay thoughts about sex when they enter his mind. He says it is really difficult. I think he's going on meds this week to help chill his mind down. His marriage is making it. I asked him about how many encounters he'd had. Over a hundred. 50% married men. In no way does he want a relationship with a man. He related a story of one encounter where the guy seemed to want a relationship. He said he almost bolted.

Strange sexual beings we are. The Greeks thought nothing of boy/man love. It was expected and lower-class mothers primped their sons to look good in the hopes a nobleman would pick him.

Culture screws it up.

(I think I made another dumb pun.) Time for bed....

GOD! I HATE it when I sound like Bill Clinton, "How do you define 'virgin'?"

Phoenix: And most pedophiles are also married men. AND, NOT lumping gays with pedophiles, it pisses me of that married men have gay sex -- cowards! It's fairly safe to be openly gay nowadays.

Q: How did they separate the Men from the Boys in Ancient Greece?
A: With a crowbar.

OINK - the retired catamite

Heck. Better to ask what turns you on. We are sexual beings.....

I don't think it's fair to call a married man a coward if he enjoys gay sex. He either enjoys the sex without the ties of a relationship, or he's bi-sexual. By saying a married man who has occasional gay sex a coward, you're in effect saying he must give up any notion of family? Wife, children? That's not fair.

What about a married man who goes out and has affairs with women? Are they cowards in the same fashion you describe married men having gay affairs?

Before you answer, consider that fidelity within marriage is about 50% for male and female. Infidelity is a bit higher for men. So, words like 'should' and 'ought' can't be a part of your answer unless you stake your answer on morality. Then, that just leads to endless debate. Is there a biological truth here?

Ph: I'm touchy on the subject of gay men hiding in a closet called Heterosexual Marriage. My old friend & Godfather to two of my kids died of AIDS. He'd led a "secret" life cruising gay bars, etc.
You can imagine his wife's feelings, after the truth & his HIV positive test came back, waiting for the results of HER own AIDS test. Negative. But positive for depression and alcoholism. She's been sober for 5 years now.

IF YOU'RE QUEER, BE QUEER!
Do not use innocent women as your denial mechanism.

I think you just wiped out the Greek and Roman civilizations. ha ha ha

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