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The Nigerians are Coming, The Nigerians are Coming!!!

   The only spam I get is from the grocery store. DON'T START ... sauteed and served with applesauce, it is a suitable substitute for scrapple. Anyway, back before I had 4 anti-spam/anti-virus, (anti-everything including comments it seems) programs installed on my computer, I DID get an occasional Nigerian spam email. I enjoyed them. The dream of making a gazillion dollars just for replying with a little information was like dreaming of hitting the lottery only ... less so. I'd put it in the 'getting hit by lightening' category dream-wise. I never took 'em seriously, much less, PERSONALLY. I have heard that there are actually people out there in etherland that are dumb enough to fall for such scams. I had fun trying to imagine what THEY must be like ... the ones who are that stoopid.

   'Hey George ,,, how're ya doin''?

   'Duh ... uh ... is that a bunny'?

   'No George, that is a Rottwieler'.

   'He's a cute bunny ... can I pet him and hold him'?

   No George, Spike doesn't like that at all'.

   'Duh ... what is the bunny's name'?

   George, since you're close to the light switch and it's dark ... hit the lights'.

   'Uh ... duh ... do you want them on or do you want them off'?

   Those Nigerians, what fun guys they must be. I mean anybody that can make lawyers, politicians, used car salesmen AND Air America look good must be fun to be around. Of course, I am allergic to snakes so I'd have to take a pass on that.

   I have always wondered how in the hell those Nigerians, what with all the famine, starvation, pestilence, disease, war lords and gangs, inter tribal skirmishes and genocide find the time to email ME.

   And another thing, where does the electricity come from? They got a goat out back tethered to some crude wood and dung treadmill just runnin' its shaggy ass off or do they run on batteries and catch the morning camel or whatever into town once in awhile to recharge?

  Ah well, I guess I'll never know.

   Recently, there was this music producer who lives in Topanga Canyon, (THAT is in California, in fact THAT is SOOO in California, they have 'hot & cold running lattes' there). He called a friend up on his cell phone and said 'HELP ... HELP, they are after me and I am running up this creek to make 'em lose the scent'.

   Well naturally, that friend was alarmed. I mean that kinda shit only happens on Hunter Thompson's property. So she called the police. The all points bulletins went out. The guy's face was on every news program with some talkng head sayin' MISSING MISSING ... MUSIC PRODUCER blah blah blah.

That was a few days ago. They found him. He is .. OK. Well, no he is NOT okay.

                             BUT THEY DID FIND HIM    


Missing Music Producer Is Found Washing His Jeans in a Calif. Creek

by Ti Molloy

LOS ANGELES (AP) - The nearly weeklong search for a Grammy-nominated producer ended Friday after a resident spotted the man sitting naked in a backyard creek, washing his jeans.

The Topanga Canyon resident found a distraught Christian Julian Irwin saying he feared he was being pursued by Nigerians who had contacted him in an Internet scam, sheriff's Capt. Ray Peavy said.

Peavy said there was no evidence anyone was actually pursuing the 48-year-old producer, who has worked with Carly Simon and David Bowie, among others.

Irwin was taken into custody because he was deemed mentally incompetent and possibly dangerous to himself, Peavy said. He was found at about 4:30 p.m. and agreed to go with police about two hours later after negotiations in which authorities, at Irwin's request, located his sister to help calm him.

Irwin was questioned by medical and mental health workers and taken to a hospital to make sure he was in good physical health. He was to be transferred to another hospital for observation.

Authorities began looking for Irwin on Sunday after he made a panicked phone call to a friend, saying he was being pursued by people with dogs. He told his friend he was running through water and had lost his glasses and shoes in a creek.

Topanga Canyon, a rustic area long a favorite with artists and musicians, is about 20 miles from downtown Los Angeles in the Santa Monica Mountains.

... AP


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Ground Control to Major Tom....... These scams aren't written by Nigerians. They're written by fat, naked guys sitting at their computers making sure they're deleting enough punctuation and inserting enough wrong verb tenses to make you believe English is their second language. Yuk Yuk. When George wasn't online taking it personally, he was watching news and believing it. Washing his jeans in the creek was just an attempt to get back to ground control. A 1969 pair of worn Levis might help - along with some lithium.

Good morning and why are you insulting fat naked guys using the computer???

My goodness. I am not insulting fat naked guys using computers. Just stating the facts. I rather like fat naked guys myself. As you might be aware, I am thin and my hair is purple and stands on end. Do you like me? Oh, dear, I must go... Ground Control is calling me to another mission as the Light is coming our way from the Cosmos.

TINA ...

That is based on a true story. Remind sometime and I'll tell it.

DB ...

Coors Light? Night Light? Gordon LightFoot? The Light at the End of the Tunnel?

No, Steel.... The unbearable LIGHTness of being from the cosmos.

OCM ordered a bud LIGHTness of being.

Ahhh... yes, Old Cat Man. I remember him grooving at one of my concerts. He ordered Buds for everyone. Nice man. Definitely on the order of LIGHTness of being is this man.

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