This is a repost from last year.
My stats for this subject are, once again, peaking.
Sooo, I get bored easy. The news of late has been so repetitively ugly and onerous, that I need to distract myself. Above is a map of locations from which I get 'hits' from an 'organic' search on all the search engines for 'head lice'. See, about 5 years ago, I posted an image - annotated with arrows even - of a human scalp with head lice and nits. Nits being baby lice. Since then, I receive a steady stream of traffic to that image. The image itself is on the first pages of all the major engines. Helluva thing - being known for that.
I decided to do an unscientific survey. It started two weeks ago and only covers that portion of my traffic for which I am awake to monitor - about half if I'm lucky or not otherwise preoccupied. As you can see, the results are just about what you'd expect. Lots of lice where there are lots of humans - particularly unhygeni .... naw, I won't go there. Suffice it to say, there's a whole lotta scratchin' goin' on in da hood/barrio. But there is an unexpected result demonstrated above - areas where there are few folks are not created equal when it comes to head lice.
Note the large expanses of no bugs - the largest such runs along both sides of the Continental Divide. However, notice that there are infestations in the Sierras, the Catskills and Appalachians - so I think we can rule out altitude. Weather and temperature can be ruled out because there are plenty of lice in places where it gets seriously cold. What could it be then? There are plenty of Indian Reservations in that area - but so too in others severely infested.
I think I have solved the mystery! The louse-free States are those which also have the highest population per capita of members of the Church of Latter Day Saints - 'Mormons'. After crunching the data in my super duper environmentally friendly solar powered computer with the now-popular 'Al Gore Global Temperature Algorithm' only one conclusion can be drawn. Mormons are immune to head lice! Ain't science great?
Washington - Tuesday night's Democratic debates saw the unveiling of a new strategy, and perhaps a new secret weapon in her campaign arsenal- the 'hex.' She was seen using it prior to the actual debate, but it was unclear if the intended target was a potential heckler or the moderator, Tim Russert.
When asked about the move, a spokesperson from the Clinton campaign told reporters that Hillary has been brainstorming with various women's groups, among them a coven of wiccans from Massachusetts. 'Ms. Clinton embraces all religions and creeds and witches are no different', the campaign aide added.
'Hillary feels there's a lot to learn from all sides and that's what being in the center is all about.' The witches of Massachusetts were kind enough to offer Ms. Clinton some pointers on 'pro-active pre-emptive positive/negative feedback.' She is willing listen to anybody, the aide explained.
When pressed to compare that with the commonly held belief in 'the hex' or 'evil eye', the spokesperson adamantly stated, 'those are old and antiquated male-oriented beliefs - women have come a long way since the days of burning witches.'
A GOP spokesman declared the move was an obvious attempt to garner the Satanist vote and the support of the practioners the Black Arts and the Occult. 'How in the Hell can America allow this evil to spread?', he asked on condition of anonymynity. 'There is no limit to this women's depravity - what's next - sacrificing babies?' 'Oh, wait, nevermind,' he added.
The 'hex' went largely unnoticed by the crowd, but there was one gentleman in the audience, sporting a 'I voted for Bush' lapel pin, who collapsed suddenly. Paramedics were unable to revive him and he was declared dead at the scene.
No word on whether the Clinton campaign intends on using this new tactic on her opponents. Link
Yeah, it's tongue in cheek, but the notion of the Democratic party embracing Wiccans or even witchcraft is just not that far out of the realm of possibilities, is it? Let me ask you this. If she thought that witchcraft and spells could win her the Presidency, is there is any doubt in your mind that she wouldn't hesitate to use it? I'll even go one step further. And remember, I'm an atheist. Don't you think she is sufficiently arrogant to sell her soul to Satan himself, to gain that office, thinking that she'd be able to renege when payment time came due?