I have an idea ...

                  A Modest Proposal Regarding the Middle East et al.

    Things have not gone as expected in Iraq. The freed minions did not welcome us with open arms. They opened fire. The oil is not flowing - Iraq had to import gasoline last month. The various sects of the 'religion of peace' are happily murdering the crap out of each other. And Cindy Sheehan won't shut the fuck up. Nope, things are not going as planned.

   It looks like a civil war is inevitable and it is obvious that Iran is going to keep agitating there no matter what we do. The war has become a political nightmare from which we might wake up with a Democratic majority, and worse, Hillary Clinton or Al Gore as POTUS.

   The experts say that if we pull out now, there will be genocide and that Iran will eventually take over everything but the Kurds. The Kurds are cool. I'm sure you have seen that TV spot, the one where Kurds are actually saying 'Thank you, America'. We need a base in that neck of the woods. The oil is not that big a deal. And frankly, who gives a flying fuck if all the Sunnis and Shiias mutually agree to some form of self-imposed population reduction?

   Let's take two thirds of our troops out of Germany and build a big ass base in Kurdistan. Let The Kurds benefit from that investment and to hell with the Germans. They're not our friends anyway. Let Iran HAVE the south of Iraq. First thing they'll do is repair the oil infrastructure and get the oil flowing.

   Everybody wins.

   100s of thousands of dead lunatics, the Kurds are protected, we have our base of operations in a damned friendly neighborhood, Iran will be preoccupied with killing even more lunatics and building the oil industry back up to speed, more oil will flow to India and China and that will reduce the price we are paying at the pump, the issue of 'The War' will no longer be ammunition to be used against Republicans and Cindy Sheehan might shut the fuck up.

   Then, when Iran finally yanks our chain one time too many - we nuke 'em. Boom, we have an Iraq with oil flowing through brand new pipes, way fewer civilians to worry about, Turkey won't be worried about the Kurds, Iran will be a very large salad bowl, Republicans will still be in charge, the Iranians will have dispatched Saddam Hussein to that great brothel in the sky and Cindy Sheehan might shut the fuck up.

                                                   Tell me where I am wrong.

Comments

[Phoenix]

My initial reaction to your idea, despite a repugnance that you mentioned Cindy Sheehan twice as if she even deserves mention at all, is to say, OOH RAH! I like pulling out of Germany, I like setting up the base in Kurdistan, I like the ease and enhanced relations with Turkey, I like the oil relief for India and China...not much to dislike in your plan.

The one thing that stops me cold is that small but powerful beacon of hope we offer to those outside the political arena - the common man caught up in these ridiculous tyrannical struggles for power. Going with this scorched-earth plan would surely extinguish the beacon of hope we are to those who 'don't count' when the lions are unleashed on the innocent.

[Moze]

There's just one small hitch in this gitalong. Turkey doesn't want a Kurdish state, or anything like one. We pull up roots in Germany and plant them in Northern Iraq, we'd bettern not be concerned solely with what's going in the south and east...

Cheers,

[Phoenix]

If Turkey had a choice between a wild, savage Iraq, and a U.S. military semi-controlled Kurdistan, I think they would opt for the latter. Turkey has everything to gain from a 'civilized' Kurdistan - as do the Kurds. Maybe they can be so civilized as to put aside differences for the greater good.

[Bomb-a-rama]

Let Iran HAVE the south of Iraq. First thing they'll do is repair the oil infrastructure and get the oil flowing.

Why Iran? Why not give southern Iraq to the Kuwaitis? No use putting even more oil under Iran's control. In the meantime, the warring factions in the non-oil areas kill each other off without disrupting anything.

[Andy Freeman]

There's an even simpler solution.

Withdraw to the oil fields. Rebuild, protect, and pump like crazy. Tell the locals "when you stop killing one another and random Jews and become civilized, we'll talk".

Wait.

When they demand rebuilding help, give them France's phone number.

When they say that they're ready, point to Israel and ask "are you?" Yup, let them solve the Palestinian problem.

[Phoenix]

Upgrade all of the above: Take over the north (Kurds) AND the south (oil fields). Pump like crazy and give the U.S. all that oil. They owe us, after all. That leaves the middle of the country to kill each other off and NO PLACE to go if they don't snuff each other out or decide to get along. They get to call 'Uncle' when they clean up their own mess and rebuild their own infrastructure and decide to play nice. Tell France and Iran they have to pay for the rebuilding or wake up to the smell of napalmed villages that burn daily closer and closer to their capitol cities. They have to pay to build their own stupid mosques. When it's all settled, we declare 'squatters' rights' on their oil fields and the dems shut up for once.

Oh... No need to upgrade the Palestinian option. It's perfect.

[jim]

Here's exactly where you're wrong:

Republicans will still be in charge

*Especially* if it's the current crew.

From his performance in Iraq, Rumsfeld couldn't handle the logistics of a 6-year-old's birthday party; Cheney never saw a bill from Halliburton he didn't like; Bush just found out there are "two kinds of Iraqis", hates to read, and specifically avoided talking to his own aide Colin Powell - the one man in the White House with actual military experience - because Powell might say bad things about invading....

From your scenario, with this crew and their cohorts Feith, Wolfowitz, in charge, the Kurds will start rioting in 5 minutes, Iran will take over Germany, and Al Qaeda will get a position in NATO. Then Bin Laden will be put in charge of Port Security.

[jim]

Oh, but on the upside it'll only cost 16,000 US lives and $27 trillion.

[Phoenix]

Grimms' Fairy Tales, Jim?

No? Oh. Then really old, really out-of-date democratic whining points.

But just for fun, let's debunk some of your asinine hyperbole:

The Kurds are feeling alienated by all parties. They would welcome our recognition and protection and the sovereign state we'd probably allow them. They deserve it.

Germany is as likely to allow Iran to take over as it is to self-immolate. You've discounted the fact that we have several military basis there in full readiness. Let Iran try. What fun.

Al Qaeda is not a 'nation'. NATO is busy fighting it. Not much of a chance they'd get membership status. They don't have any golf clubs.

It would be great for bin Laden to be put in charge of Port Security. He'd have to show up for the annual meeting. Then we can shoot him.

What a moron you are. "Bush hates to read." ha ha ha ha ha... Impeach the stooge, by god!!!

[stiknstein]

Hey,
I keep thinking, What about Cuba? Commieboys are on their way out.... and when that happens, half the country will want to move to Miami to live with relatives. This will leave the small Carribean Island seriously under populated.
We could Airlift all the Kurds there in probably one afternoon. Better climate,no need for Burkas, no poisonous gas attacks......
Course they would need some training in order to run the new Gaming and Hotel industry......

stik

[JESSE]

can i just interject for a minute. Would you just shut the 'FUCK THE UP CINDY SHEEHAN'. Everyone has lost somebody but you are not the light on the hill you silly fucken BIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!